Poshy Max

Created especially for my friends Gina D'Orio and Annika Line Trost of the pop group Cobra Killer, this dish combines hearty Berlin breakfast traditions with a parody of the fare taught to privileged British women in 1950s finishing schools. A hearty breakfast, brunch or lunch, it also makes a quick, satisfying light supper.

So, I’m one of those people who generally prefers coffee for breakfast unless on holiday or on those rare occasions I have an utter craving. My utter craving has been building for weeks.

Deep in the recesses of my reptilian mind, I’ve been wanting to combine one of my favourite breakfasts—the beauty of the Berlin speciality Strammer Max, which I’ve already explored as a main course dinner—and more English traditions, but with a definite snotty irony.

So, inspired by Cobra Killer, I’ve created the Poshy Max, because the whole psychology of this dish is right up their cynical, ironic allee that I love so much, least of all when considering British food culture of the 1950s.

While a Strammer Max is Berlin’s traditional breakfast of champions, Hollandaise Sauce is what every posh British gal had to conquer at finishing school until the late 1960s. Infamously cooked in a curved-bottom saucepan— and yes, there was much mirth at etiquette books containing phrases like, "Hollandaise is always cooked using a curved bottom"—it separated the wheat from the chaff; the future wives of heads of delegation in prestigious diplomatic postings from those who could best hope to marry a vicar with some form of private income…

Worry ye not. Unlike Swiss finishing schools in the 1950s, you neither have to invest in a curved-bottom (copper saucepan), nor to actually care whether you achieve the perfect consistency for your Hollandaise which, let’s face it, still tastes the same, even if a little clotted.

Shopping List

For the Hollandaise Sauce

• 125g butter

• 2 egg yolks

• ½ tsp white wine vinegar

• Juice of ½ lemon

• Freshly ground black pepper to taste (traditionally Hollandaise uses Cayenne pepper due to its undetectable fine grinding; up to you)

For the Max

• 2 x fresh eggs per person

• 4 x rashers of smoked back bacon, per person

• 2 x bread items per person—I’m experimenting to with soft pitas, but any kind of bread or a bagel will do

• 2 x large sweet pickled gherkins per person, sliced

Cooking Method

The Hollandaise Sauce

1. Melt the butter in a saucepan, keeping it warm

2. Add the egg yolks, white wine vinegar, pinch of salt and a splash of very cold water to a metal or heatproof glass bowl. Whisk for a few minutes, then place the bowl over a pan of gently simmering water—over which it should fit snugly—and whisk until pale and thick; about 3-5 mins

3. Remove from the heat and slowly whisk in the melted butter, bit by bit, until fully assimilated. If it gets too thick, add a little water. Add the lemon juice and the pepper

4. Keep warm until plating

Alternatively, simply buy a good readymade Hollandaise and heat as appropriate. NB: if you do, you’re strongly advised to do so in a dish or pan over a little simmering water in a larger pan below. Yes, we can already see the finishing school alumni giggling at what happens if you put it in the microwave, silly.

The Max

1. Grill the rashers of bacon until crisp

2. Fry your eggs with precision timing

3. While doing this, toast your preferred bread of choice, timing it so that the toast and bacon are ready as soon as you finish frying your eggs

4. Plate, first laying out the toasted bread. Add the bacon and eggs and top with the sliced gherkins. Finally drizzle over the warm Hollandaise sauce

5. Take to table and enjoy with a stiff cup of coffee

Alternatives

You can simply leave out the bacon for the veggie version, but it’s way too early in the day for me to even seriously consider what a vegan option might look—or taste—like. I need to drink some more coffee first.